Does your child think Dad loves him more? Discover how discipline, boundaries, and quiet moments can reveal the deep love between a mother and child.
Parenthood… the toughest book I have ever read.
There is no perfect guidebook for becoming a parent. We learn as we go—through sleepless nights, endless questions, mistakes, laughter, tears, and countless moments that make us wonder whether we are doing the right thing.
After becoming a mother of two, I have experienced many such moments.
Some may be very common for parents, but one particular feeling has stayed with me for a long time:
Does being strict with my child sometimes make him feel that I don’t love him?
We often hear that children understand love very deeply. But does setting boundaries, saying “no,” or disciplining a child make them feel less loved?
I don’t think so.
Sometimes, discipline is also a form of love.
Being Strict Doesn’t Mean Being Less Loving
Children are small. They are still learning what is right and wrong, what is safe and unsafe, and what consequences their actions may have.
As parents, one of our responsibilities is to teach them.
But teaching is not always easy.
Especially when you have a little boy who is naturally naughty, energetic, and determined to do things his own way!
My son is like that.
I don’t believe in being strict with him from the beginning. Whenever I want him to do something, I first try to explain it politely. If he understands and cooperates, there is absolutely no reason for me to be strict.
But what happens when he doesn’t listen at all?
That’s when I sometimes have to become stricter.
I may scold him. I may not allow him to have chocolates. Sometimes I hide the television remote so that he cannot watch cartoons.
These may sound like very small things, but to a young child, they can feel like a big punishment.
And sometimes, my son feels that his father loves him very much—but his mother only scolds him.
Hearing this breaks my heart.
Because nothing could be further from the truth.
I love both of my children more than I can explain. At the same time, I want to teach them what is good for them.
And sometimes, that means saying “no.”
Why Does Dad Seem More Loving?
My husband is extremely busy with his work and has very little time to spend with the children.
So when he does get time with them, he naturally wants to enjoy that time.
He plays with them, takes them outside, spends time with them, and showers them with affection.
And honestly, that is beautiful.
But I am the parent who spends most of the day with the children. I see their habits, their mistakes, their little struggles, and the things they need to improve.
So when I notice something that isn’t good for them, I have to respond.
My daughter is older now. She understands that when her mother says something, it is usually because I want something good for her.
But my son is still small.
He sees what is happening in front of him.
If Dad says “yes” and Mom says “no,” it is easy for him to think:
“Dad loves me. Mom only scolds me.”
And perhaps that is how a young child understands the world.
Then One Day, Something Changed My Perspective
Although I tried to remind myself that my son was too young to understand the reason behind my discipline, his words still hurt me.
Sometimes I wondered whether he really loved his father more than me.
He is a huge fan of his father.
He wants to go outside with him. When he returns from school, he wants his father to be there to pick him up. He enjoys eating dinner with him and prefers sleeping beside him.
If his father is busy with work, only then does he allow me to take his place!
So, naturally, I sometimes felt that perhaps his love for his father was stronger than his love for me.
But one day, something happened that completely changed my perspective.
My son was sick.
He had a fever, cold, and cough. Naturally, he wasn’t eating properly. If I forced him to eat a little more, he sometimes vomited, so I stopped forcing him.
Whenever his coughing made him feel like vomiting, I would gently rub his back to comfort him.
One day, I was in the kitchen while he was coughing badly.
His father was with him and, just like I did, tried to comfort him by rubbing his back.
But suddenly, my son asked his father to call me.
Why?
Because, according to him, his father couldn’t give him the same comfort that his mother could.
I came to him and helped him until he felt a little better.
That night, when he couldn’t sleep properly because of his cough, he woke me up.
I stayed beside him and tried to make him comfortable.
And in that moment, I realized something.
My son may adore his father, but when he is vulnerable, he still looks for his mother.
That feeling was incredibly precious to me.
A Child’s Love Can Be Quiet
It wasn’t only during sickness that I noticed this.
My son doesn’t like taking a bath without me.
Once, I had to attend a meeting and asked my husband to give him a bath at his usual time.
My husband tried everything.
But my son refused.
He finally took his bath after I returned home.
He also doesn’t like eating without me.
These may seem like ordinary little things.
But sometimes, it is the ordinary things that reveal the deepest emotions.
My son may loudly announce his love for his father, but there is another kind of love he has for his mother—a quieter one.
A love he doesn’t always know how to express.
And perhaps that is what I needed to understand.
Children Experience Love Differently
I have learned that children don’t always express love in the way adults expect them to.
Sometimes they say, “I love Dad more.”
Sometimes they cling to one parent.
Sometimes they want one parent to play with them and the other to comfort them.
Sometimes they prefer one parent at bedtime and the other when they are sick.
None of these moments necessarily mean that they love one parent and don’t love the other.
Children’s emotions are complex, even when their words sound very simple.
And as parents, we sometimes need to look beyond what they say and notice what they do.
My son may think I am the stricter parent.
He may feel that his father is more fun.
But when he needs comfort, he knows where to turn.
And that silent trust means more to me than I can explain.
Discipline Is Also a Form of Love
Being a loving parent doesn’t mean saying “yes” to everything.
Sometimes love means giving a hug.
Sometimes love means listening.
Sometimes love means playing together.
And sometimes, love means saying no.
It means setting boundaries even when your child becomes upset with you.
It means refusing another chocolate when you know your child has already had enough.
It means turning off the television even when they protest.
It means teaching them manners, responsibility, patience, and the difference between right and wrong.
Of course, discipline should never become harshness or humiliation. Children need warmth, connection, and understanding along with boundaries.
But setting reasonable limits doesn’t make a parent less loving.
Sometimes, the parent who says “no” is saying “I love you” in a language the child is too young to understand.
To the Parents Who Feel the Same
I am sharing this experience because perhaps there are other parents who have felt exactly the same way.
Perhaps your child also says that they love the other parent more.
Perhaps you are the one who says “no” more often.
Perhaps you are the one who handles homework, meals, routines, bedtime, discipline, and all those little responsibilities that children don’t always appreciate.
And perhaps, sometimes, you feel heartbroken.
If you do, please don’t be too hard on yourself.
Your child may not understand everything you are doing for them today.
They may not understand why you said no.
They may not understand why you insisted on something.
They may not understand why you were strict.
But as they grow older, they may begin to see the love hidden behind those boundaries.
And sometimes, even before they can explain it with words, their actions tell you that they know exactly where their safe place is.
I may never know whether my son loves his father more or loves me more.
And perhaps I don’t need to know.
Because love isn’t always a competition.
There is room in a child’s heart for both parents.
The love may look different.
It may be expressed differently.
But that doesn’t make one love less important than the other.
And for me, knowing that my little boy still reaches for his mother when he needs comfort is enough.
His love may sometimes be loud for his father, but his love for me can be beautifully silent.
And that silent love makes my heart full.
Have you ever felt that your child loves the other parent more than you? Have you experienced a moment that made you realize your child loves you more deeply than they express?
If you have, please share your experience in the comments. I would genuinely love to hear your story—and maybe your experience will help another parent feeling the same way today.