Parents, you should be more careful with your words when dealing with your children.
Learn how harsh words can affect children’s confidence and discover a simple parenting lesson about patience, positive words, and understanding.
Parenthood has taught me a number of lessons and is still teaching me a lot. Every single day, I am learning new things in my parenting journey. Today, I will talk about another issue that I think most of us parents face.
Have you ever faced a situation where your child is not studying or doing something properly, and you become so frustrated or annoyed that you say some harsh words, such as, “Nothing can be done by you”?
It is very common that when a child makes the same mistake repeatedly, we may become angry or frustrated. But remember one thing: we should be careful about using such phrases because they can hurt our children deeply.
Not all children are the same. Maybe some children can take such words sportingly, but some might be hurt deeply by them. You know your child better, so if you use such a phrase and think it will help your child do better, that is your personal decision.
But I am talking especially about those children who are very sensitive and sentimental.
A Lesson I Learned From My Daughter
I am sharing an incident from my own daughter’s childhood.
No doubt, she is a very sincere and studious girl. She dances well and is also a very good artist. But sometimes, even the topper of the class can make mistakes because it is not possible for anyone to know everything or do everything perfectly at all times.
I am talking about an incident that happened when she was in Class 7, although now she is in Class 8.
She was practicing a difficult mathematics problem. She couldn’t solve it properly and asked me to solve the problem for her.
I replied, “I will just make you understand, but you have to solve the problem on your own.”
She nodded.
I explained the problem to her twice, but even after that, she was making the same mistakes again and again. I was busy with my work. So, seeing her make the same mistakes repeatedly, I lost my temper and told her, “What happened to you? You can’t do this simple thing. Nothing can be done by you.”
I was not serious. I just said it because I was busy and she had come to me repeatedly with the same problem.
Anyway, that day, somehow, she managed to solve the problem.
A few days passed.
One day, she came back from school but was unusually silent. I asked her what had happened at school. At first, she did not say anything, but after I repeatedly asked her, she finally told me the actual reason.
That day, their games class had a selection process for the actual Sports Day. She was not selected because she had secured the fourth position, while only the first three participants were selected for the main event.
I told her, “It’s okay. Better luck next time.”
I knew she had always worked hard for everything. I knew she had simply done her best.
We cannot expect our children to be good at everything.
Whatever they enjoy doing or whatever they do with love and interest may be the areas where they can truly shine.
So, I told her, “You tried, and that is the main thing. Don’t worry. One day, you will also be selected.”
Then she replied, “But I am selected for Kiddathon(a marathon for kids) because they selected the first five participants for that.”
I was very happy and told her, “So why are you upset? Congratulations, my dear!”
But it couldn’t change her expression.
She replied, “No, Mom. You were right. I am good for nothing. Nothing can be done by me.”
I Realized My Mistake
That day, I realized that I had made a big mistake.
I shouldn’t have told her those words.
I replied politely to her, “Oh, my dear, that day I was so irritated, and that’s why I told you like that. Just believe me, I didn’t say it intentionally. Anger can make anyone say things they don’t really mean, and that happened to me. I am so sorry. I will never tell you like that in the future. I know you always do your best, and I know you always will. So, I don’t have any doubt about that. If I hurt you, I am really sorry. And today, just like always, I am happy for your achievement.”
That time, I saw a cheerful expression on her face.
That really made me so happy.
But that day, I promised myself that whatever the situation, whatever my mood, or however angry I might be, I would never use negative or discouraging words against my children.
What I Do Differently Now
But I am also a human being. I still get angry in some situations, mainly in my son’s case.
However, now I practice something different.
If my son irritates me by refusing to study or repeatedly making the same mistakes, I simply leave the situation for a while. I give him some time to take a break, and I take a break too.
It helps me regain my patience.
After some time, we sit down to study again, and that time he usually does better.
I practice something similar with my daughter as well.
Surprisingly, I have noticed that this approach gives me much better results.
Sometimes, taking a break is better than forcing a child to continue when both the parent and the child are frustrated.
Words Matter in Parenting
As parents, we all make mistakes. We lose our patience, we become frustrated, and sometimes we say things that we don’t actually mean.
But children may not always understand what we meant when we said those words in anger.
They may remember the words much longer than we expect.
Especially for a sensitive child, a simple sentence said in frustration can sometimes become a belief about themselves.
That is why positive parenting does not mean that we never correct our children. It means that while correcting them, we should also remind them that making a mistake does not make them a failure.
We can correct their mistakes without making them feel that they themselves are the mistake.
And sometimes, the best parenting lesson we can give our children is to show them that everyone makes mistakes—including parents.
Have You Ever Experienced This?
Have you ever faced a similar situation with your child?
Have you ever said something in anger and later realized that your words had affected your child more deeply than you expected?
If yes, please feel free to share your experience in the comment section below. I would love to hear from you. Your experience may also help other parents who are facing a similar situation.