Children learn from parents, mainly from their parents’ behaviour. Discover why respectful communication and controlling anger matter in raising kind, respectful children.
I always say that I have learnt a lot of things and am still learning through my parenthood journey.
The small things that I never bothered about before have now become valuable to me. Why? Because I know there are little eyes watching me and little minds learning from me every day. Yes, I am talking about my children.
They are still young. Although my daughter is 13 now, she is still learning from the people and experiences around her. As a mother, I always want my children to learn the right things from me. I believe this is an important responsibility of every parent.
Recently, I witnessed an incident that made me think deeply about this subject.
During a family function, I noticed an eight-year-old boy insulting his grandparents whenever they stopped him from doing something mischievous. I watched the situation for some time and genuinely felt sorry for the grandparents. The boy was using words that I could hardly expect to hear from a child of his age.
I was surprised. How had he learnt to use such language at such a young age?
Later, I came to know from one of their neighbours that the boy’s parents often used similar language when they argued with his grandparents.
At that moment, I realised that this was another important lesson that every parent should learn.
Children Learn from Their Parents’ Behaviour
It is natural for misunderstandings and disagreements to arise when people live together. No family is perfect, and differences of opinion are a normal part of family life.
However, as parents, we need to be careful about the words we use, especially when we are angry and our children are around.
The same applies when couples argue in front of their children.
Children are always watching, listening and learning from us. They may be too young to understand the difference between right and wrong, but they often assume that what their parents do is acceptable behaviour.
When children repeatedly hear their parents using insulting words, they may begin to believe that such language is a normal way to express anger. Similarly, when they see their parents disrespecting their grandparents or other elderly family members, they may learn to behave in the same way.
This is why parental behaviour plays such an important role in a child’s upbringing. We cannot expect our children to speak respectfully to others if we fail to demonstrate respect in our own behaviour.
Think Before You Speak in Front of Your Children
We are human beings, and we all experience anger. Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, we say things that we later regret. But as parents, we need to make a conscious effort to control our words and actions in front of our children.
If you are very angry with someone, try to remain calm and have the conversation when your children are not around, if possible. If the disagreement cannot wait, try to express your feelings without using harsh or insulting language.
You do not have to hide every disagreement from your children. They can learn valuable lessons by seeing adults resolve their differences peacefully. What matters is how we handle those disagreements.
When parents respect their elders, children learn the importance of respecting older people. When couples disagree without insulting each other, children learn that differences of opinion do not give anyone the right to hurt another person with words.
These are important parenting lessons that children learn through everyday experiences, often without our even realising it.
What If Our Children Use the Same Words Against Us?
Imagine a situation in which your child becomes angry with you and uses the same insulting words that you have used during an argument with another family member.
How would you feel?
It might be very difficult to tolerate, especially when those words are directed at you. You may feel hurt, shocked or disappointed by your child’s behaviour.
But before reacting, we should also ask ourselves an important question: Where might my child have learnt to speak this way?
Children do not always understand the impact of the words they use. Sometimes, they simply repeat what they have heard from the adults around them.
This does not mean that we should accept disrespectful behaviour from our children. We must teach them that insulting others is not acceptable. At the same time, we should remember that teaching begins with our own example.
If we want our children to speak respectfully, we must try to practise the same behaviour ourselves.
Our Behaviour Is Also a Lesson for Our Children
Parenting is not only about teaching children good manners, helping them with their studies or guiding them towards a successful future. It is also about showing them how to treat other people.
Our children learn from the way we speak to our partners, interact with grandparents, respond to disagreements and behave when things do not go our way.
We may not always realise it, but even our smallest actions can become lessons for them.
I have learnt many things through my own parenting journey, and I continue to learn every day. One thing I strongly believe is that we cannot teach our children the right values through words alone; we must also demonstrate those values through our actions.
So, the next time you feel angry or frustrated, pause for a moment and think about the little eyes watching you and the little ears listening to you.
The words we speak today may become the words our children use tomorrow.
Let us try to make sure that they learn kindness, patience and respect from us.
What Do You Think?
In my opinion, this is an important subject that every parent should think about. We all want our children to grow up to be kind, respectful and responsible individuals. To help them become that way, we must first try to practise those values in our own lives.
Do you think children learn more from what their parents say or from what they see their parents do? Have you ever noticed your child repeating something they learnt by watching you?
Please feel free to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments. I would love to hear your opinions and learn from your parenting experiences, too!